CITY ISLAND LINES
She could remember the first time, the first sign. Like she’d been swatted by a careless kitten. Three thready lines across her cheek- a Morse code of scabs. When she’d asked Noah if he remembered how she’d got them, he smiled and said, ‘No… but it’s probably nothing to worry about.’ Maya appreciated his support but secretly worried that her clumsiness had scuffed her once again. She often had mishaps that left mementos on her skin. Maya silently said her (millionth) fervent ‘thank you’ for Noah. After her humiliation and noxious divorce, Noah had restored her from the ruins, made her feel substantial, worthwhile, meaningful, loved. He was gentle and thoughtful and even-keeled. She had always admired (even been a little bit jealous of) his ability to remain confident, calm and composed when things turned tense or heated. He never apologised unnecessarily, never backed down and never resorted to animosity or aggression. Yet he always managed to smooth the waters and resolve the situation. She still had the pill bottles left over from those anxiety drenched days and sleepless nights. Thankfully, she maintained this stockpile primarily as a reminder of how far she’d come. Rarely if ever did she dip into reserves. But today it had been tempting. The day had started well enough. Brad, the director, had let everyone know that a new staff member was starting in the Outreach/PR department. Her name was Elle, and she came with an impressive pedigree. He liked to use words like this as a sort of pun, since their organisation dealt with animals seeking placement. Maya looked forward to having someone with whom to share the work load—and maybe a friend with whom to collaborate and chat. Elle arrived and had an instant impact. She was small, slender, elegant and articulate. People were instinctively impressed, and Maya felt a twinge of jealousy. Nonetheless, she made a point of introducing herself immediately and offering any sort of assistance that Elle might need. “Oh, I am quite self-sufficient,’ cooed Elle. ‘I’ve settled into bigger operations than this one quite easily. No need to distract yourself from the important work that I am sure you have on your desk.’ Maya felt stung, as if she’d be swatted. No deep wounds, but a swift swipe. She’d told Noah about the encounter and joked that maybe this was the origin of the strange stripes on her cheek. ‘Ah,’ he’d said, ‘like a cat fight, only with a kitten.’ Trying to put her pride aside, Maya determined to try again, and the following day, she peeked around the corner of Elle’s office. Aiming to seem friendly and helpful, she asked, ‘How are things? Have you found everything alright? I’m heading to the breakroom, and I’d be happy to give you an in-depth tour of the coffee options. I can show you where all the creamers and sweeteners hide out.’ Elle only half looked up from her desk and said, ‘Oh, I don’t ‘do’ coffee. I only drink water or tea. Better for my skin and sleep. But you go ahead and enjoy whatever you like to drink.’ Maya felt slapped once again. Her cheeks burned as she recoiled from Elle’s office. She retreated to her desk and eschewed her usual coffee. The rest of the day seemed tinged and Maya was relieved to slink out the door a little before 5:00. When Noah arrived home that evening, he paused and cocked his head. ‘Are you OK?’ he asked. ‘Why?’ said Maya. ‘Just asking. You look, well, sort of flushed,’ Noah replied. Maya scuttled to the bathroom and could see that he was right. Her cheeks bore bright red patches, like a cockatiel she’d once wanted to adopt. Noticing this made her blush all the more. She felt wretched and weak. In an attempt to lift her own spirits, Maya decided to dress herself up a bit the next day. She found some colourful tights and a knee length skirt she hadn’t worn in years. After adding a red cardigan atop a plain white T-shirt, she slipped on her favourite Mary Janes and happily headed to work, feeling bright and renewed. The first person she met as she walked into the office was Elle. ‘Good morning, Elle, ‘ chirped Maya brightly. ‘Wow,’ said Elle. ‘How old are those shoes? Is that outfit workplace appropriate? I wasn’t sure whether there was a dress code. So I stuck to a professional look, but I guess anything goes around here.’ With that, Elle adjusted the scarf at her neck and sauntered off to her office. Maya longed for an enormous crater to open up before her so she could fling herself into it. Once again, her day was sullied with self- doubt, and she nearly bolted out the door at 4:45. By the time she walked through her own front door, she had blisters singeing the soles of her feet, like a bear she had read about in the California fires whose melted paws were treated for months. Over dinner, Noah listened to the latest tale. He gently cradled one of her feet in his hand, kissed her wounds, tried to heal her, tried to make her new. Sagely and gently, he advised her, ‘Let this go. Elle is clearly insecure and dumping her toxic fears on you. Just let it go.’ ‘Easy for him to say’, thought Maya. Her previously cosy work place had become a gladiator’s arena, and she felt physically and psychologically macerated. That night in bed, Maya’s ego festered, her feet burned and her skin felt rough and scaly- like a snake itching to shed its skin. Beside her Noah snored softly, while she revisited Elle’s slights and her own shortcomings. Eventually, she admitted defeat and padded to the bathroom in search of the sleeping pills she had cached. Flicking on the bathroom light and facing the mirror, she was startled to see something protruding from her left ear. Looking more closely, she realised that, whatever it was, it was moving, squirming, alive. Reflexively, she grabbed at the wriggling thing and plucked it from her ear. Overcoming a visceral revulsion, she looked more closely at the malicious little beast. It emitted a foul odour and a pitiful high-pitched whine. Its trembling legs, sharp claws and sinister proboscis flailed wildly. On its slimy trunk were dull green scales and the odd greasy grey feather. It had morose bulging eyes wide with terror. Its panicked aspect was both repulsive and compelling. Maya was mesmerised. She’d never seen anything so repugnant. And yet, she realised, this pest had made a temporary home in her head. With the miniature monster still between her fingertips, she squeezed the pill bottle between her knees using her free hand to awkwardly twist off the top. After emptying the contents into the sink, she flung the creature inside, rapidly twisting the childproof lid to imprison it. She tiptoed back to bed and spent another few minutes planning. Then she sank into a deep and peaceful sleep. At work the next day, Maya rehearsed her lines and checked on the pill bottle frequently. Finally, she felt ready- or as ready as she would ever be. Slipping back into her sandals (necessitated by yesterday’s blisters), she pocketed the pill bottle and walked calmly into Elle’s office. “Hi Elle, we missed you at the meeting just now.’ Elle raised a supercilious eyebrow. ‘And what meeting would that be?’ ‘Oh, Brad set up a coffee chat with Mrs. Preston. She’s given quite a lot to other animal charities. So he thought we might have a chance.’ Trying to don the unfamiliar mantle of confidence, Maya said, ‘I thought you knew. Brad invited a few of us to meet with her, because he wanted his A-team to make the pitch. Actually, things went well. She made some murmurs, and I think that Brad is just seeing her to her limo. Yes, if you look out your window, you’ll see them now.’ Elle, sprung from her chair and swiveled her head to the window. Scanning frantically, she could not see what Maya was referring to. As Elle turned away, Maya released the tiny beast from the bottle and watched it hover momentarily. Its movements were furtive yet purposeful. Once liberated from its prison, it honed in on Elle and immediately scuttled into her left ear. That evening over dinner, Noah looked up at Maya with his honey-coloured eyes and said, ‘You are glowing! You look even more beautiful than ever. ’ Then he asked her how things were going at work ‘You told me that I needed to let it go’, she replied, ‘and I did.’
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